Into the Heart of Leadership
Revealing Traits of Strong Leaders
Estimated read time: February 9, 2024
As we commemorate Women's History Month, I'm prompted to reflect on my encounters with leaders throughout my career – experiences shaped by my identity as a Black woman and my love for fostering inclusive environments. Join me on this introspective journey as I explore the intersection of gender, leadership, and something I call “allow-ability”.
Top 5 Leadership Character Traits
I’ve been having more and more conversations and requests for training and education about character traits of “strong leaders”: What are they, what they mean, the difference they make and associated behaviors. There are about 10-character traits that come up over and over. The top five, in my research, are: strategist, organizer, decision maker, negotiator and visionary.
How Respected & Sought-After Traits are Assigned Gender Appropriateness
Now, let’s get into how certain traits can be consciously and unconsciously assigned gender appropriateness. Let’s consider the following questions.
- Which behaviors listed won’t help leaders be more successful and strengthen the individuals and teams they are responsible for?
- Why are some behaviors thought to be “soft” or “feminine?” Does that mean the others are “hard” and “masculine?”
- How are women respected, thought of, and treated who demonstrate behaviors stereotypically allowed, expected, and rewarded for men? What do people say behind their backs?
- How are men respected, thought of and treated who demonstrate behaviors stereotypically allowed, expected and rewarded for women? What do people say behind their backs?
- Could these be some of the real reasons some women are thought of and called “witches” (replacing the “w” with a “b”) and some men thought of and called “weak?”
- What about people who are non-binary? What behaviors are we “allowing” and ascribing to them?
- What other dimensions of diversity might this concept apply to?
A Revealing Encounter
I was in a meeting with a leader one time when he got a phone call from his wife, giving him an update about their sick child. I was going to leave the office to give him some privacy, but he signaled I should stay. Now, let me tell you, this man was one of the leaders who had the rep of being a strong, hard-nosed, bottom-line, P&L-only, never-saying-thank-you leader. Still, turnover was low because the products and services his team developed were highly rated, people felt professionally accomplished and the benefits and salaries the company offered were second-to-none. But the buzz was that people were always looking for opportunities to leave the team or even the company as quickly as they could.
I overheard his conversation. I looked up because he sounded like a different person. Yes, I knew he was talking with his wife, but his tone was softer. While I was surprised by that, what was even more surprising was the other things I never would have thought he would or could do.
For one: he was really listening. And he seemed to have had no problem being empathetic, communicating with compassion, expressing support and being kind. I thought to myself, “Wow, he does have a heart, after all.” I wondered why he never connected human-to-human with the team; why he didn’t use those “softer” leadership skills and behaviors with us when that could have built stronger relationships and fostered better task performance. After having worked with him for more than 10 years, I wondered if his caring and use of the full spectrum of his leadership abilities and actions were reserved only for folk he had a personal connection with. I wondered when and how he learned not to show up for us using all of his strengths.
I wondered if he was even conscious of the fact that if he had allowed himself to use all his leadership abilities with us, to have shown up with his whole self, he would have been a better leader and that we would have been a better (and happier) team.
Exploring Cultural “Allow-ability” in Leadership Behaviors
Is it about the behaviors themselves, or is it about which behaviors are “allowed,” expected and rewarded for certain people? If it’s behavior, people can take some classes or speak with mentors or coaches to grow their skills and abilities.
But what if it’s about our conscious or unconscious “allow-ability” of them, what we allow them to give to us and what we allow ourselves to give to them? And, if that’s it, are we aware of how easily and quickly we make and act on judgements about what people do, how they do it and how they should and shouldn’t show up, based on their diversity and ours.
It’s easy for me to understand how, if people have learned that to be accepted and rewarded they have to show up inauthentically, as imposters, and can’t “bring their whole selves to work,” they might feel exhausted because of having to work to work. I could understand how, eventually, even the most committed and skilled person might begin to love the work, but hate the job.